D I S T A N C E

The distance between my family and I was something that I have never wanted to occur, and although families will ALWAYS have their ups and downs, I couldn't have never imagined how much of a Downfall mine would go through in just a couple of months // Now I'm not sure how everything has gotten to where they have settled now, but the emotions and raging war eating me up inside is more than words will ever explain. [But as a Writer / An Advanced BEGINNER] I will try and explain . . .
- I think togetherness is a very important ingredient to family life. 
I have not felt harmony between my own blood and I in a while... and it's having a BIG impact on me, So biggg .. I didn't think it would get so critical...
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A Few months after my Grandmothers passing I had made a very BIG Decision, one that I did not think I'd have the courage to make, and that was my decision of moving in with my Father. This was harsh I tried for a while rethinking things... compiling both negative and positive outcomes to either decision: Stay with MOM? --or-- MOVE with Dad? Although this wouldnt make my mother too happy, I felt that she'd understand. My Dad had no one and my Grandma made me promise her a while back to always look out for my father like he did for me [I could never give back the amount of concern and Care he gave me] so this was the least I could do.


... Let's Fast FWD ...


I live with my Father, things Are fine. I cook and Clean- when I have time. Never Do I have time though, I work and Do the church thing, and If I'm not doing that I'm catching up on sleep. 5 or maybe even 6 days out the week I wake up alone, my Daddy's a working man! This is Almost like a "ONLY CHILD" thing.. and honestly, I love it. I have S P A C E. And I would never change what I actively have now even though what I had before wasn't bad.


Now What I do Want to change is the fact that, My MOTHER forgot who I am. I don't think she would ever want me to feel like that, or at least I hope not... but that's exactly what I am feeling. I'm sure she's use to being a Mother, since she has had 3 in total... but I'm not sure if she wants to be mine. And I've heard plenty of cases where Mother's disown their children because their kid isn't up to any good... BUT I thought I was playing a Great daughter role, I still think I am. I never gave her sleepless nights, Never called her from a jail cell, Never needed her to rush out whatever she was doing to get me out of trouble, never asked for much. Only thing I can think of that has offended her recently, was getting a tattoo, but a tattoo shouldn't be a green light for any mother to just forget about their child... or treat them any different. And Because of it... [this ink on my skin...] it had cost me my family vacation. It Was suppose to be [my step father, 2 sisters, mom, and I] But guess what... They went and came, BOTH TRIPS... WITHOUT me. They also brought back a wholeeeeeeee bunch of family photos and AS ALWAYS, I wasn't spotted, But never Am I anyways, [I should be use to it by now right?] family photos are something I am rarely in.